For Rest Of Mind In This Country, These Are The Things We Really Need

November 24, 2018

Maybe it’s glasses or special gloves. But the thing that will let me know if ponmo is soft before it enters my plate, I need it. Fast!

Iya Moria has punished me too many times.

Anything that can make me jump traffic like this in Nigeria, please make it happen.

Let me just turn to transformer when third-mainland starts nonsense.

Maybe it’s spirit we’ll employ last-last. But Nigerians need something that’ll shout “don’t pick this call, it’s money they want to ask for” when people want to turn you to GTB ATM.

But really, won’t this be mad?

Imagine if our cars had automatic koboko for when Danfo drivers start misbehaving. No stress, you’ll be in the car and it’ll be doing its thing

Or something that can just rake keke-marwas, when they think they can be dragging road unnecessarily.

I’m tired at this point. If it’s special face-cap we can be wearing for our generators so they won’t be so noisy, somebody make it please!

As money for Mikano isn’t set.

You know what every Nigerian needs? Their own siren! Once those politicians start making noise like this, we turn it to choir meeting.

If soldier catches you, don’t bring them to Zikoko office oh!

Since mosquitoes have turned Baygon to body spray, if we could just get like automatic slappers to catch them, it won’t be bad.

If you’re feeling this say “yeah-yeah”

I don’t know how Whatsapp wants to do it, but something that can be replying my mommy automatically: “wow that’s true”,when she starts with her BCs. Quick, please.

It has reached SOS at this point!

Who can fund this? Portable lie-detector for when our mechanics want to start moving mad?

Once they start saying: “aunty na engine problem”, it will just shout: “stop lying, it’s only spark -plug”

Do you know how mad it will be if our cars could wear invisibility cloaks when LASTMA starts their nonsense?

“your license and particu… blood of Jesus”

Speaking of things Nigerians really need. Make sure you subscribe to our #GameofVotes newsletter today. We’ll be counting down all the most important things that happen in politics leading up to the elections.

Follow the link here. Let us know what you think!

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

June 15, 2021

The Future of Hiring Lawyers During COVID-19 and Beyond for 200 Million Nigerians With the spread of COVID-19, most industries have adjusted their standard practices of conducting business. The legal profession is no exception, with TalkCounsel at the helm redefining the legal experience for countless Nigerians. TalkCounsel’s digital workspace hosts vetted lawyers that offer a […]

Watch

Now on Zikoko

December 7, 2021

Selected entries to receive exclusive Masterclass with TY Bello and George Okoro Days after innovative Smartphone manufacturer Infinix Mobility launched its Zero X Pro device in Nigeria, the tech giant today announces the start of its #ZeroXChallenge. The Zero X Challenge is an initiative to inspire boundless creativity among Nigerians and empower the youth to […]

December 7, 2021

MTN Nigeria recently announced the price of its initial public offering to retail investors.The offer which opened at 8:00am on the 1st of December 2021 will close at 5:00pm on the 14th of December 2021 with a minimum subscription of 20 shares and lots of 20 shares thereafter. At the retail offer roadshow in Enugu […]

Recommended Quizzes

October 10, 2019

2019 is certainly Burna Boy’s year, but, if we are being honest, so was 2018. Since his transcendent mixtape, Outside, the afro-fusion star has refused to get his foot of our necks — dropping a string of fantastic singles and then capping it all off with his career-best album, African Giant.  So, in a bid […]

November 4, 2019

After successfully predicting when y’all are getting married (please, email any complaints to noneofourbusiness@nayousabi.com), we are back to tell you how much is currently in your account. How, you might ask? By using your taste in Nollywood, of course. Shhh. No questions. Just take it already:

November 11, 2019

Everyone has something to say about what kind of person they are. But how well do we truthfully evaluate these things? Not that much, I can assure you. The average person is always lying to themselves to make sure they look good. But you know what and who doesn’t lie? Zikoko quizzes that’s what. Take […]

More from Citizen

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X