16 Problems That Would be Solved If Einstein Was African

NEF Global Gathering 2016 |
March 8, 2016
Africa hasn’t really invested in science and it shows.  Scientists tend to solve problems they know have wide applications in their environments.  Because of that, many problems peculiar to Africa have remained unsolved for decades… But imagine if a scientist like Einstein was African, he might work on a whole different set of problems like…

1. An early warning system for when your mum is about to slap you

A way of calculating atmospheric pressure around your mum’s hands and letting you know when it changes so that you know to duck.

2. A ‘love’ potion for African parents

Because African parents will never willingly say I’m sorry OR I love you.

3. A body odour neutraliser

Since everyone has refused to wear deodorant in this heat, we’d have a substance that neutralizes the poisonous body odour from others. Billions of African noses will be saved!

4. A ‘Kini’ translator (mind reading device)

Your Nigerian mother is convinced that you understand what “Bring me my kini” means.  Because as far as she is concerned, she gave birth to a mind reader. This device will decode all your mother’s mannerisms to save your African ass from a beating.

5. A Yoruba boy warning system

Since Yoruba boys don’t actually have to be Yoruba boys. You gats be prepared! 

6. An African accent identifier

Actor in Hollywood movie speaking in generic African accent: “My name is Babatunde Johnson.” African accent identifier: “This is NOT a Nigerian accent, I repeat, this is NOT a Nigerian accent. Replace actor immediately. Suggestion – David Oyelowo.”

7. Self-cleaning weaves

Because… haba..

8. ‘Two heads’ to help you pass in school

Dad: “Jolade that came first, does she have two heads?” You: *Heads to Jumia.com to order an extra head  ?*

9. Air conditioners that run on ‘I beta pass my neighbour’

Because this heat is demonic..

10. A 24-hour monitoring system for parents and girlfriends

Complete with a voice that says “remember the son of whom you are” everywhere you go.

11. An Oyinbo food Africanizer

For all those times you’re craving real pepper but you’re stuck with the 10th sandwich this week.

12. A makeup face printer

Instead of spending 1 hour to get a beat face, just use this machine to print your make up sharp sharp! Copy and paste.

13. Kenyan running gene transplant

Because Kenyans outrun everybody and other Africans will appreciate getting the Kenyan running gene transplant. Simple.

14. Petrol-to-your-door delivery service

Order online. Delivery within 24 hours depending on distance. Because somebody cannot come and die from queueing in this hot sun abeg!

15. Actual special effects for Nollywood action scenes

Hay God! We can’t continue like this. Look at how they destroyed the Ghanian folktale, Anansi The Spider!?

16. An allergen that makes African presidents allergic to overstaying their term

Because African Presidents who have spent more than 10 years in office are likely to never leave office…unless God or death or allergy… See Gaddafi, Mugabe etc

Now imagine a world where the next Einstein is African

Africa is transforming. Touch screen cardio pads that connect rural citizens to important care. Urine tests that detect malaria. Rapid diagnostic tests that detect EbolamPesa and other digital financial platforms that facilitate financial inclusion. Major solar energy projects in Morocco and Rwanda. The light rail in Ethiopia. The Square Kilometre Array, arguably set to be the world’s biggest telescope, in South Africa. Join the Movement and call on African governments, leaders of civil society and the private sector and young people to support a new era in science, technology and innovation. We’re looking for 1 million signatures. Pledge your signature.
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