One of the sadder facts of life is that cheating happens. It, for the most part, can’t be helped. No one knows exactly just how much cheating happens in relationships and studies into cheating and how much they occur have given varying results. An expert quoted in a Refinery29 article suggests cheating occurs in about 20 to 60 percent of romantic relationships while a published study says it happens in 70 percent of all marriages. While it is hard to place an actual number of how much cheating gets done within monogamous romantic relationships, one thing is certain in just about any and every study or statistics there is about cheating: men cheat more. At least that much we know for a fact.
For today’s story, we spoke to four Nigerian men who not only cheated on their partners but were caught and we asked them what happened next.
Peter, Straight, 28
‘‘My ex-girlfriend’s friends never liked me because they said they had heard stories about me and girls. In all honesty, I wasn’t cheating when they were suspecting me of it. So in a way, they might have caused it, you know how the law of attraction works, yeah? Anyway, I had a side chick a year into the relationship. We — side-chick and I — were spotted by one of her friends in a club when we were in Abuja. Before I could say Jack Robinson, my girlfriend was calling me and asking me where I was and who I was with. I tried ‘explaining’ but when I came back to Lagos there was a big fight oh. Eventually, we made up and I promised to never do it again and I thought things were okay. I said I’ll apologize to her friends and stuff. One day, more than a week later, I came back and she had moved out. That wouldn’t have been too bad but she took everything she ever bought for me including the TV, throw pillows, bedsheets, basically the whole kitchen. Everything. When I asked my neighbor’s househelp, she said my ex-girlfriend and her friends packed everything in their cars and just zoomed out. I wanted to cry, I wish she had left without the stuff she bought.’’
Fred, Straight, Age Undisclosed
‘‘When I cheated, I frankly didn’t mean to hurt her. I genuinely hoped that she would never find out. I slept with a babe I met on Tinder and it was really just sex. When I am off the app, I hide my profile and turn it on only when I am on it. I immediately block anyone that might know me and I don’t use my actual face, just a side view. Unfortunately for me, someone I was chatting with knew her but I didn’t know the girl. Then a few days later — mind you the girl had stopped replying to my texts at this point — my girlfriend asked me why I was still on Tinder. I said I wasn’t. She opened her phone and showed me screenshots that had been sent to her. Then as she was swiping, she showed me screenshots she had taken on my phone – meaning somehow this babe discovered what my password was and opened my phone — and sent it to her phone including very obviously sexual conversations. Long story short, we were yelling at each other. She was accusing me of being a cheat and I was talking about privacy. At some point, she took an actual pestle to hit me. We had to settle it with the police, by the next day I went back to my house and that was it. I finally deleted Tinder.’’
Bolu, Gay, 25
‘‘My ex-boyfriend is considerably well-to-do. He has a great career while I am a struggling creative. He was okay taking care of me and the bills and stuff and I basically lived at his. Then I fucked up really badly. I slept with a not-so-close friend of his. To be honest, more than one. I was young and very stupid. When he eventually found out, to be honest, he was more sad than angry. He felt like his insecurities were validated and he kept asking if he was doing something wrong. I won’t lie, I felt like shit. I begged and asked that we move forward and that it won’t happen again. He agreed. But his close friends weren’t having it. They had always felt like I was using him which I wasn’t and that I was with him because I was broke which isn’t true. They started doing this thing where they would come around to my ex-boyfriend’s place where I was and ignore me and I could tell they were talking about me to him in an unflattering way because my ex-boyfriend’s behavior towards me started changing. It took about a month then one day, he came back and said it had to end. After the relationship ended, all his friends unfollowed and blocked me and I am pretty sure they blacklisted me in the industry. Stress lol.’’
Ifeanyi, Straight, 37
‘‘My wife is very suspicious, she suspects everyone. Househelp, her friends, even her relatives. She thinks I am cheating on her with somebody even when I am not. It is a bit draining. And it made it so that when i finally cheated on her, I think she lowkey felt validated. I used to take my son to his school and pick him up and then I started noticing his class teacher. Young and very fine lady. We started talking and eventually exchanged numbers. I’ll dash her some money when I drop off my kid and one day, I asked her to meet me on a Saturday for lunch. We ended up having sex. It went on for a while and it stopped because other teachers noticed and one called my wife, I am still not sure who. My wife went to the owner of the school and told her. I was so mad. My wife found the address of the teacher and went there to threaten her. Then told me she was giving me one week to round up what we had. So I stopped the relationship, eventually, we changed my son’s school and that was it.’’