If “WAP” Was A Nigerian Song

August 29, 2020

Ever since WAP was released, a lot of hot takes have happened. The song has also topped charts, despite the hot takes and everything accompanying its release.

But can you imagine WAP as a Nigerian song? Well, we can. And here’s what would happen if it was one.

1. For starters, it would be sung by Saint Janet, not Cardi B.

The title would be something like “Ariya WAP“. Or “Obo Tutu.” If you don’t understand what that is, please ask a friend to tell you. I will not be the one to lead you into sin.

2. There would be a remix, and it would feature Naira Marley, not Megan Thee Stallion.

Naira Marley will now add lyrics like:

To ba doko ma l’ole, WAP.
Even me I get WAP, WAP.
Omoge shey you go wap?
Oya, wa ba mi n’ile, make I no go do soapy.
WAP

3. The lyrics will then annoy the morality police in Nigeria.

I won’t mention names, but expect a LOT of tweets on how Nigerian youths have lost focus to concentrate on fruitless things like sex. (As if sex does not produce fruits when fertilization occurs).

4. Sha, the song will not be played on radio.

But Nigerians like bad-bad things, so the lyrics video will gather an insane number of views, and it will trend for days.

5. Because they have coconut heads, Saint Janet and Naira Marley will shoot a video for the song.

Ladies in bikini, a lot of soap water, synthetic eyelashes, Naira Marley with a beltless trouser, Saint Janet serving retired Sugar Mummy realness.

Vision board for the WAP video

6. The National Film and Video Censors Board will now vex and kuku ban the video.

And for reasons beyond human explanation, Naira Marley will be declared wanted by law enforcement agencies. Yes, Naira Marley is almost always having an issue with them, but imagine being arrested on top of WAP. Ordinary WAP.

7. By the way, the locals will jam the song until it becomes irritating.

Fuji remix will be in excess. DJ 4kasibe, DJ Lamba, DJ JiMasun will produce mixtapes with it, and one of these DJs will play it at somebody’s wedding ceremony where the entire crowd will go wild and leave there wondering if the bride has a WAP and how did the DJ know this.

It’s all going to be a mess, really. But in 10 years time, WAP will be resurrected on Twitter as a meme.


Here’s something else you’ll like: If Nigerian Mothers Were In The BBNaija House

And something from the Jada and Will Smith entanglement palaver: If Will Smith and Jada Smith Were A Nigerian Couple

Kunle Ologunro

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

September 5, 2021

If you’re a K-Drama fan, we made this article for you. Everyone knows at least one person that is hooked on Korean Drama series. If you think they’re crackheads, you might be wrong. We have made a list of the top 10 Korean drama series that you have to watch. Maybe then you’ll understand why […]

Watch

Now on Zikoko

Recommended Quizzes

October 30, 2019

2010 was a game-changing one for Nollywood, with our movies making serious cash and getting international acclaim. So, which of these hits released between 2010 and 2019 — from the pace-setting The Wedding Party to the divisive Trip To Jamaica — best suits your personality? Well, that’s what this quiz is here to answer:

February 26, 2020

Are you all set for marriage, or are you still figuring it out? Well, if you’re curious to know the answer, then this is the quiz for you. All you have to do is create your own ideal Nollywood wedding film, and we’ll tell you if you’re ready to say “I do”. Go ahead:

November 12, 2019

Are you a single pringle, stuck in a complicated situationship or happily married to the love of your life? This quiz is here to guess your current relationship status, and as you know, Zikoko quizzes are incredibly accurate (don’t quote us). So, give a shot:

June 14, 2020

Have you ever been with someone so horrible that you swore to never date again? Yes? Well, do you know that one or more of your exes probably feels the same way about you? You never thought about that, huh? Thankfully, this quiz is here to let you know just how much of a hassle […]

More from Pop

September 14, 2021

It was yet another Thursday games night on the BBNaija Season 6 show with TECNO and it was a very creative one. As you know, TECNO has been on the Season 6 journey with the housemates since it began and they have not disappointed. With the TECNO Phantom X dolling out incredible pictures of the […]

September 14, 2021

Watching the BBNaija show comes with different stages. You may not notice it, but somehow you go through a complete metamorphosis from the first week you watch the show to the last week when the winner is finally announced. The viewer you were at the beginning of the show is dramatically different from the viewer […]

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X