If Catwoman Met Her Nigerian In-laws

July 9, 2021

Nigerians parents would rather walk into a crocodile-infested river than spend two minutes in a room with a cat. You now bring a woman, who claims to be a cat, to meet your parents?

Disaster. 

On this episode of #JustImagine, Catwoman meets her Nigerian in-laws and things get very weird.


There is a small crowd in the living room. People are eating, gisting and laughing when Kene and Catwoman walk into the house. Catwoman is dressed in a tight-fitting black spandex suit with a tail. She is also wearing a mask and holding a black whip. Everyone appears a little confused.

Kene: Good Afternoon Papa, Mama.

Kene’s parents: Welcome, my son.

Kene and Catwoman take a seat.

Kene’s father: (adjusts glasses) And who is this?

Kene: The girl I have been telling you about. My girlfriend. Catwoman.

Catwoman: (smiles) MEOW

Everybody: 

Kene’s Father:

Kene’s mother: 

Kene’s aunty:

Kene’s father: You want to marry cat?

Kene: (sigh) She’s not a cat.

Catwoman: (nods) I am not… MEOWW

Kene’s Uncle: Na cat o.

Kene’s mother:

Kene’s father: If I marry cat, will I have born you? 

Kene:

Kene’s aunty, Mama Patrick, whispers to her son.

Mama Patrick: Maybe, that’s why they have not given you visa. Because of this cat.

Patrick: Na true.

Kene: Aunty, Patrick is an armed robber. That’s why they refused his visa.

Patrick: Who say I am an armed robber?

Mama Patrick: You too be hiding your gun now!

Kene’s cousin comes in.

Kene: Nasiru, take my girlfriend’s load inside.

Nasiru: So I can turn to cat?


Kene’s father: Enough! We have seen her, and we will accept her. What do you want to eat my dear?

A rat runs by. Catwoman catches and chews it.

Mama Kene

Papa Kene: And you’re sure you’re not spitting out the Holy Communion they use to give us in church, Kene?

Kene: (sighs)

Kene: Babe, you too stop eating rat now.

Catwoman: Sorry, it was just juicy. Want some?

Mama Kene: (shocked) You are eating asin with her?

Catwoman: My baby likes it.

Mama Kene: They have get my son.

Catwoman: Please ma, sir. I want to be with your son. He is kind, patient and he takes good care of our children…

Kene covers Catwoman’s mouth.

Mama Kene: Children? Whose children?

Papa Kene: Where are these children?

Catwoman removes Kene’s hands and speaks.

Catwoman: MEOW MEOW MEOW

Mama Kene: Who she dey call?

A bunch of cats walk into the house. Everywhere scatters. Mama Patrick a bible from her purse. 

Papa Kene screams loudly over the phone.

Papa Kene: Dibia, be coming o! My son wants to marry cat!

Dibia: Cat?

Papa Kene: Yes o.

Dibia: Cats have shown me pepper. I cannot come. Na dem make I no succeed for life. I no fit do am. Happy Married Life to Kene.


Outside, Catwoman finally calms down and is on the roof with her cats. Kene is persuading her to come down.

Kene: Baby, come down. Nobody will hurt you. 

Mama Kene: And tell her to be going with those cats!

Kene: Mama, they are your grandchildren!

Mama Kene: . . .

At that moment, Mama Patrick’s husband, Papa Patrick, walks into the compound.

Papa Patrick: (screams) What is going on here!

Catwoman: Chief?

Papa Patrick’ eyes budge.

Catwoman: Chief?

Papa Patrick: Which chief? Do I know you?

Catwoman: Are you not the one that has been saying you will change my life?

Mama Patrick: Ehn?

Papa Patrick: I don’t know who you’re talking about.

Catwoman: Didn’t you say you will sell everything you have for me?

Mama Patrick: 

Patrick: Papa, did you sell my Xbox for woman?

Mama Patrick: You are sleeping with cat, Papa Patrick?

Catwoman plays a voice note on her phone and Papa Patrick’s voice comes on.

Baby let me show you the world. I will leave my entire family for you. My wife is not fine like that again. Even her bride price, I want to collect it back. Just let me do one, you won’t regret it. I like how you use to meow.

Mama Patrick: 

Hauwa L

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

Watch

Now on Zikoko

Recommended Quizzes

November 11, 2019

Today, we are going to be using your taste in music to determine how good you actually are in bed. All you need to do is create the ultimate Nigerian hit — from the lead artist to the producer — and we’ll tell you if all your partners leave satisfied, or if you are just […]

April 9, 2020

At some point in life, we all learnt that someone can be very intelligent and still lack common sense. That’s the difference between being book smart and being street smart. If you’re not sure where on the spectrum you fall, well, that’s what this quiz is here to tell you. Take it:

November 7, 2019

These days, everyone is always talking about how much sex they’re getting, or how little sex they’re getting, or how disgusting sex is etc. There’s just so much talk about sex, it’s almost impossible to know who’s lying and who’s telling the truth. In anticipation of our new series about the sex lives of young […]

April 3, 2020

While the rest of the world loves to treat our continent like a country, there are actually 54 African countries. So, in a bid to test your knowledge (and educate you), we’ve created a quiz to see how many of their capitals you can correctly name. Go ahead:

October 30, 2019

2010 was a game-changing one for Nollywood, with our movies making serious cash and getting international acclaim. So, which of these hits released between 2010 and 2019 — from the pace-setting The Wedding Party to the divisive Trip To Jamaica — best suits your personality? Well, that’s what this quiz is here to answer:

More from Just Imagine

August 6, 2021

Two days ago, I asked Nigerians to share what would happen if Nigeria hosted the Olympics and just as I expected, they did not disappoint. Not only did they understand the assignment, they spiral-binded the whole thing and submitted a day in advance. Taking a page from their assignment, I have decided to compile it […]

July 30, 2021

Like every other thing that comes from Nigeria, your international passport just wants to travel out, enjoy life and flex on the gram but you no get money. *insert clown emoji* So here is everything your international passport wants to say to you. It’s another frustrating day in Buhari’s country. Rain water has entered your […]

July 23, 2021

What’s not to love about ATMs? If you just ignore the long queues, bad network, and occasional swallowing of cards, ATMs are a lifesaver.  They do their jobs and let you go about your day. But what if you were stuck in a parallel universe where ATMs could speak? It’s 5 a.m. A young man […]

July 16, 2021

GPS technology is very simple. You input a location, and it gets you to where you need to be. Clear cut and No drama. Except when the GPS is voiced by your Nigerian mother. Heavy sigh. It’s morning and a guy, casually dressed, steps into his Mercedes Benz and turns on the ignition. As the […]

July 9, 2021

Nigerians parents would rather walk into a crocodile-infested river than spend two minutes in a room with a cat. You now bring a woman, who claims to be a cat, to meet your parents? Disaster.  On this episode of #JustImagine, Catwoman meets her Nigerian in-laws and things get very weird. There is a small crowd […]

July 2, 2021

When you take a closer look, Romeo and Juliet is a classic Nigerian story. Boy meets Girl. They fall in love. But their parents refuse to agree to a union due to irreconcilable differences. Sounds familiar? The only part of this story that doesn’t quite gel is the dying part. Nigerian men will say they’d […]

June 25, 2021

Nigerians in A Quiet Place? LMAO. They wouldn’t last two minutes.  For the people who haven’t seen the movie – A Quiet Place, the title is really all there is to it. It takes place in a post-apocalyptic world where sounds attract blood hungry monsters. So if you are doing anything and you make a […]

June 18, 2021

If I had a kobo for every time I heard the phrase, “Nigeria brings out the beast in people,” my Canada relocation funds would be complete, and I’d be shaking my ass on a yacht with Bill Gates. But all Nigeria gives is frustration. Now, imagine we had a superhero who turns into a beast […]

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X