Sex Life: I Can’t Sleep With Anyone More Than Once

January 9, 2021

Sex Life is an anonymous Zikoko weekly series that explores the pleasures, frustrations and excitement of sex in the lives of Nigerians.


The subject of today’s Sex Life is a 32-year-old gay man who stopped keeping track of his body count once it crossed 300. He talks about his inability to sleep with anyone more than once and how this has affected his love life. 

What was your first sexual experience?

My first sexual experience wasn’t consensual. I was six when my uncle who came to live with us started molesting me. He swore he would kill me and my entire family if I ever told anyone. This continued for three more years until he moved out.

Then when I was 12, my best friend’s house girl began molesting both of us. She would make one of us touch her and tell the other person to kiss her. This lasted for about two years before his family left Lagos.

I’m so sorry. What was your first consensual experience?

It was actually with my best friend. We used to make out and dry hump each other when I was 11. That’s why his housegirl started molesting us. She caught us kissing and threatened to report to our parents if we didn’t do what she said.

My best friend and I never kissed again.

Damn. What happened after he moved?

I’m pretty sure I made out with every single boy on my street. Whenever someone suggested that we play “Hide and Seek”, I knew they wanted to kiss me. We would look for a place to hide and make out until we heard footsteps. It was a lot of fun.

How did you know you were into boys?

This might sound ridiculous, but I kind of always knew. I made out with my fair share of girls while growing up, but I never felt anything. I had my first-ever crush on a boy in Primary 1. 

I even remember begging my parents to send me to an all-boys boarding school because of all the gist I used to hear, but they refused. I know I would have been the school whore if they had agreed.

LMAO. So, when did you have sex for the first time?

I was 16. It was with a guy I had been chatting with on Facebook for months. He was really good-looking, and I was convinced I was in love with him. He lived in a different city, but after a lot of begging, he came down to Lagos to see me.

How was the sex?

It wasn’t great. Neither of us knew what we were doing. Right after we finished, I wanted him to leave. I figured my sudden disgust was because of how forgettable the sex turned out to be.

Immediately he left, I blocked him everywhere.

Oh wow. What happened next?

I went back on Facebook to find another guy. This time, I found someone who lived in Lagos. After a few weeks of chatting, we met up and had sex. The sex was a lot better this time, but immediately I came, I felt the same level of disgust I did with the first guy. 

Ah. How many more times did this happen?

Let’s just say by the time I turned 20, I had slept with about 40 guys. It was the same issue with every single one of them: I would be into them during the talking stage, but once we had sex, their presence would begin to repulse me.

Omo. So, you’ve never tried sleeping with an old fling before?

It’s like you’re not understanding me. Once I’ve slept with someone, my penis will REFUSE to get hard for them ever again. I’ve tried multiple times, but it doesn’t work. My brain can no longer see them as attractive. 

Why do you think this happens?

I have no idea. My friends think I do it so I can brag, but I swear, I don’t. I wish my brain reacted differently to sex. I’ve had to free so many amazing guys because my attraction disappeared right after we fucked. Does that sound like fun?

Not at all. So, how has this affected your dating life?

I’ve stopped trying to date, but it used to be tough. Whenever I met a guy I liked, I would try to avoid having sex for as long as possible. Even when I tried to explain my condition to them, they would assume it was bants.

I’ve only ever had one proper relationship, and it only lasted as long as it did because the guy is a “side” — a gay man who isn’t into any form of anal sex. So, we never had penetrative sex, and I never had to worry about getting repulsed by him.

What did you guys do?

Everything else. Making out, oral sex, hand jobs and eating ass.

How long did the relationship last?

A little over a year. He was also cool with me sleeping with other men. I think he didn’t care because he knew I’d never want to see them after we were done, so he had nothing to worry about.

Oh? Then why did it end?

He had to leave the country, and we both agreed that long-distance never works. 

What’s your sex life like these days?

It’s still active, but I’ve stopped keeping track of the number of people I’ve slept with. I stopped counting at around 300 because I started feeling a bit gross. If you tell me it has now passed 600, I wouldn’t even be a little surprised.

Do you remember all the people you’ve slept with?

My brain doesn’t, but I think my penis does. I remember seeing a really handsome guy at a wedding. He was totally my type, but I wasn’t attracted to him at all. We later bumped into each other, and he reminded me that we’d hooked up some years back. 

Wow. So, how do you approach sex now?

These days, I just want to fuck without talking too much. I don’t see the point in getting to know anything tangible about the person when I will lose interest right after sex. That seems like a waste of both our times.

Is it hard to find men who feel the same way?

Have you met men? On any gay dating app, you’ll find plenty looking for meaningless sex too. Those are the ones I like. When a guy starts asking me unnecessary questions like my name or occupation, I block him. No time. I’m not there for a job interview.

LMAO. Wow. So, this isn’t something you’re interested in fixing?

I don’t think it’s fixable. I’ve come to accept that my wires are crossed.

Have you considered therapy?

I already know what the therapist will say. They will blame it on what happened to me as a kid, but how is that helpful? Will they go back in time and stop my uncle and that house girl from molesting me? Nope. So, why should I waste my money?

I think it could help in other ways.

Let’s just free that one, abeg.

All right. How often would you say you have sex now?

I sleep with at least two new people every week. I’m always looking for someone new on one app or the other. That can be a little hard sometimes because I’ve slept with and blocked most of the men on there. 

Wait. Do you actually enjoy all the sex you have?

Not always, but for the most part, it ranges from good to great. Sometimes, I hook up with a guy that knows his work, and I immediately become sad because I know I won’t be able to fuck him again. 

Are these encounters safe?

I use condoms about 95% of the time. I also get tested every three months. The last time I checked, I’m still STD free. I won’t lie, condom sex isn’t as sweet, but since I can’t have a steady partner, I don’t have much of a choice.

How would you rate your sex life on a scale of 1 to 10?

I’ll give it a 0. I’m having a lot of great sex, but I feel like a prisoner to my own desires. Thankfully, I noticed that my sex drive has been reducing with age, so I’m hoping it will continue until I no longer crave sex. 



Check back every Saturday by 12pm for new stories in the Sex Life series. If you would like to get this story in your mail before everyone else — complete with inside gist that doesn’t make the final cut, sign up here. Catch up on older stories here.

NerdEfiko

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

July 3, 2021

Sex Life is an anonymous Zikoko weekly series that explores the pleasures, frustrations and excitement of sex in the lives of Nigerians. The subject of today’s Sex Life is a 30-year-old man who has a fascination with ear piercings. He talks about realising ear piercings are a way he connects with his feminine side, and […]

Watch

Now on Zikoko

July 24, 2021

Puff puff is a popular African snack. It is basically fried dough. Some people love pepper in it, while some people don’t like it at all. Today, we’re going to teach you how to make puff puff. First, you get your ingredients: Flour (duh) Yeast Warm water Salt Sugar Cooking oil Now that you have […]

Sex Life
July 24, 2021

Whether you’ve been reading Zikoko Sex Life for two years or you’re reading it for the first time today, here are some stories you must enjoy at least twice. 1. Awakening My Bisexuality At 27 I remember when we were making out, it was so intense that I suddenly felt the urge to tell this […]

July 23, 2021

On Saturday, July 24, 2021, the Lagos State Independent Electoral Commission (LASIEC) will conduct an election to elect the next chairman and councillors in the 20 local government areas and the 37 local council development areas in the state.  Why should you care about this? Provisions in the 1999 constitution and the Electoral Act of […]

Recommended Quizzes

April 3, 2020

While the rest of the world loves to treat our continent like a country, there are actually 54 African countries. So, in a bid to test your knowledge (and educate you), we’ve created a quiz to see how many of their capitals you can correctly name. Go ahead:

March 24, 2020

While we know that a lot of the best Nigerian artists deservedly have fans across generations, that won’t stop us from attempting to guess how old you are based on your taste in Nigerian music. So, take this quiz to see if we got it right:

November 20, 2019

Last month, we thoughtfully made a quiz telling you guys exactly when you’ll marry, but some of you claimed that your spouse was nowhere to be found. Well, now we’ve created one that’ll tell you exactly who you’ll be dragging down that aisle. Take and start planning that wedding: 11 Quizzes For Nigerians Who Are […]

More from Ships

Sex Life
July 24, 2021

Whether you’ve been reading Zikoko Sex Life for two years or you’re reading it for the first time today, here are some stories you must enjoy at least twice. 1. Awakening My Bisexuality At 27 I remember when we were making out, it was so intense that I suddenly felt the urge to tell this […]

July 22, 2021

It started with this tweet. Someone didn’t think this was necessary. But the rest of you were like: Here we go. P.S: This is not dating advice 🙂 1. Sounds fair, no? 2. What is yours is ours 3. I hear you. I hear you. 4. And they say the complete package doesn’t exist 5. […]

July 19, 2021

Not everyone hates their exes, some people still have fond memories of the ones who got away. Sometimes, relationships don’t work for reasons beyond our control and some people still hold their exes dear to them. Here are what some people have to say about their favourite ex: David, 35 I have known her since […]

July 19, 2021

Dating your coworker can be tricky because if it ends in tears, you might end up jobless. Here’s a guide to making sure that doesn’t happen to you.  1.Check if they wear a ring often It is one thing to date a coworker and another thing to date someone else’s partner. If their relationship is […]

July 17, 2021

The subject of today’s Sex Life is a 28-year-old heterosexual woman. She talks about how her first sexual relationship ended in shame because her partner spread gossip about the sex and how her fear of being tagged promiscuous prevented her from having sex with the men in her social circle. What was your first sexual experience? […]

Love life image with a lesbian couple
July 15, 2021

Ella, 23, and Adaora, 21 have been dating for eleven months. Today on Love Life, they talk about navigating a relationship after Adaora ran away from home, learning how to set boundaries and their future plans for each other.   What is your earliest memory of each other?  Adaora: My first memory was when we first […]

July 13, 2021

Friendships are harder to form as adults but easier to maintain, especially if you befriend people who understand that you’re both busy and have lives outside of each other but can make time when necessary. Here are seven ways to make friends as adults. 1. Stand on the road and beg people You can have […]

July 10, 2021

Sex Life is an anonymous Zikoko weekly series that explores the pleasures, frustrations and excitement of sex in the lives of Nigerians. The subject of today’s Sex Life is a 26-year-old bisexual man who talks about being sexually abused as a kid and how that led his developing a sexual addiction and finding it hard to […]

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X